Despite Everything, It's Still You
How a trip down memory lane led to some important writing and personal realisations.
On my Facebook Memories today was a link to a blog post I wrote in July 2019 about where I was in my writing career, my hopes and aspirations, and what I wanted for the future.
That 2019 blog post also linked to an even earlier one from 2011, in which I shared the proof copy of my first ever original novel, along with my dreams at the time.
As I was reading both of these posts, I was struck by a few things.
First, I didn’t see the fact that it’s now 2026, and I still haven’t traditionally published a novel—as I aspired to do in 2011—as a failure.
Back then, the self-publishing boom wasn’t yet at its height, and the landscape was much more uncertain than it is now.
In the roughly fifteen years since that initial blog post, my understanding of the publishing industry has changed immensely.
Back in 2019 I wrote:
“I think there’s advantages to traditional publishing, but also advantages to self-publishing, and honestly there’s no one right answer for each author. Plus, what’s best to do greatly varies from book to book.”
This feels truer than ever today.
I know successful indie authors. I know successful traditionally published authors. I know successful hybrid authors.
I know that what is right for one person—or even for one specific story—might not be right for the next.
That knowledge confirms in my mind that my current direction—striving to be a hybrid author, and choosing whether to query or self-publish based on the individual story—continues to be the right one for me.
What resonated most with me, though, is that at my core I haven’t changed all that much in the last fifteen years.
I still love writing stories and sharing them with people.
As someone with ADHD, hobbies come and go. And even with writing, I tend to genre-hop.
But the core remains the same.
I’m a storyteller.
Earlier this week I was reflecting on how some of the things I did earlier in life—such as writing fanfiction about my science teacher, studying marketing in college, and sharing fanfiction online—prepared me for some of the challenges of self-publishing.
It made me realise that the consistency of my core—my need to tell stories—is much deeper than I ever realised.
I’ve had different jobs, different ambitions, and different dreams, but almost always, at the heart of those things, has been the desire to tell stories.
Earlier this week, I also made a social media post about writing for teenage Clare—with undiagnosed autism and ADHD—who felt like she didn’t belong.
Looking back now, I realised I’d actually been writing for her much longer than I thought.
That feeling is reflected in my stories as far back as my first original novel from 2010, which, at its core, was about a young outsider who discovers who he really is, finds his people, and claims the place in the world that was always meant to be his.
As I thought about this more and more, and recognised that almost all my stories are about connection and belonging, a deeper, more profound meaning occurred to me.
My stories actually explore how people who have been shaped by false narratives about themselves discover the truth of who they are through love, community, and belonging.
And then I realised why those stories keep reappearing in my psyche.
Because they mirror my own journey.
A journey from feeling like an outsider and believing I was broken...
...to finally accepting that I was never broken.
I was operating in a world where the rules weren’t designed for me.
Since then, I have chosen to operate in a world where I make the rules, and I am so much happier because of it.
These are lessons I want to carry forward with me.
Despite Everything, It’s Still You.
The lies we—and others—tell us about ourselves aren’t the truth.
Once we begin to let go of those lies, we can finally stop hiding the person we always were.
Belonging isn’t changing in order to be accepted.
Belonging isn’t becoming worthy of acceptance. It’s realising you were worthy from the very start.
If anything I’ve written in this blog post resonates with you, please remember to be kinder to yourself.
Remember that you matter.
Remember that you belong.
And remember that you are deserving of love, happiness, and success.
Until next time,
Take care & stay creative,
T.T.F.N.
